No, seriously…what is wrong with them? I really want someone to explain it to me.
(via Wonkette)
If you want a newspaper with our ACTUAL CURRENT president on the front page, you will just have to buy one of these stupid-ass t-shirts, available in 3XL.
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What is wrong with the AJC?
21 JanAtlanta’s secret nightlife
6 Jan
See, the problem with Atlanta’s nightlife isn’t that there isn’t any, but that the Atlanta Convention and Visitors Bureau and other hospitality agencies can’t talk about what is there – the pleasures that anonymous short-term businesspeople might like to enjoy under the cloak of darkness. For example, Flex, the gay bath house right behind the Georgia Tech conference center. How many out-of-town family men do you think pay a steamy visit to that pink shack behind their hotel room on an average weekend?
So Robb Pitts is on to something when he says Atlanta needs to amp up the vice. Why, we’ve metaphorically chased every last one of those wide-eyed strippers with big dreams who showed up in 1996 hoping to bank on Olympics fever with tar, feathers, and rusty pitchforks via all sorts of state and local laws and such, or at least the threat of passing such ordinances. And what about the ridiculously named Operation Hammer Time in free-for-all unincorporated DeKalb?
So Atlanta should keep doing what it’s good at, and do it out in the open, and just go ahead and legalize gambling, and maybe instead of having an inferiority complex to places like Manhattan and Los Angeles we can start looking down on Reno. This isn’t just about tourism money or getting more bodies into Kenny’s Alley on a Saturday night, it’s about self esteem!
By the way, Atlanta’s nightlife is cool, but I guess I don’t hang out where any douchey members of the American Society of Home Inspectors would want to party anyway.
Georgia finally gives a (f)art
26 Nov
Well, our clever Georgia Tourism Foundation has taken some clues from Richard Florida circa 2001 and decided to launch the fancy Georgia Made Georgia Grown website, a “free marketing website for Georgia’s art-centric businesses.” I am excited/cynical about this, so I will just post the whole damn email:
It’s here – Georgia’s Creative Economies website for marketing and promoting Georgia Made Georgia Grown Products. The website will connect buyers and sellers, corporations and corporate suppliers, locals and visitors to Georgia’s creative small businesses. The listing is free to Georgia-based artisans, theaters, crafters, agritourism venues, festival planners and others looking to enhance their marketing and advertising. (more…)
It’s a motherf***ing runoff!
9 Nov
In case you haven’t heard, all eyes will be on our state come December 2 for the U.S. Senate runoff between incumbent Saxby Chambliss (R) and Jim Martin (D). The problem is, I don’t think a lot of Georgians realize this in the flush of President-Elect Obama enthusiasm. Early on in CNN’s election coverage last Tuesday they called the election for Chambliss with very few precincts reporting – and none from metro counties or early voting. It wasn’t until the next morning that it became apparent Chambliss wasn’t going to get the requisite 50+% to secure the seat.
Jim Powell (D) and Lauren McDonald (R) are also in the runoff for Public Service Commission.
There be early and advance voting for the runoff, starting on November 17. (Thanks to Caddy for the tip.) However, there won’t be long lines so don’t worry about setting aside 7-1/2 hours that Tuesday to stand around.
You can vote absentee if you think there might be a 1% chance you won’t be able to make it to the polls. Go to the Secretary of State website and print out an application for an absentee ballot. I know, since you are reading this blog you probably don’t have a printer OR a postage stamp. Well, you have just over a week to acquire both because you must submit this application no later than November 19 to get an absentee ballot.
Maybe if we are lucky, a bunch of Georgia celebrities like NeNe and Richard Blais and Mychael Knight (I am only naming people from Bravo shows, but that’s all I know) will band together to create a series of overly-serious get-out-the-vote PSAs.
After you cast your vote
4 Nov
We all know about the free Starbucks coffee, Ben & Jerry’s, and Krispy Kreme today with your “Georgia Voter” sticker. After standing in line for 4 hours to vote, you can queue up for another 45 minutes at each chain to get the temporary sugar/caffeine high to coast through the next long line. Now half of America will contract diabetes on Election Day, so the new president better have some good ideas for heath care.
The other good news is that El Bar is also hopping on the voter giveaway bandwagon and giving away free shots tonight! (This is what you really need on any election night. I wish someone had given me a free shot during the 2006 midterm election returns.) And when I was at Ria’s Bluebird on Friday they were offering free coffee for early voters, so I bet that offer still stands today for official Election Day voters.
Creative Loafing has an extensive list of election parties if you want to be in the company of others while staring at a screen full of digits, percentages, and two-tone maps all night. (It’s probably best not to be alone while watching cable news coverage of this event.) They left out the party at El Bar on Ponce that I just mentioned and Atlanta Drinking Liberally‘s thing at Thinking Man Tavern in Decatur.
I would like to tell you who/what I think you should vote for because I am bossy, but like Sara I have some professional anxieties. AJC’s voter’s guide is very good – they’ll tell you what to expect on your respective county’s ballot. Creative Loafing’s cheat sheet features their endorsements so when you go into the booth you can vote exactly as Thomas Wheatley would have you do.
The one thing I will come out and say is that I hate Amendment 3. Its phrasing on the ballot is impossible to really understand so you probably won’t know what it is you’re voting for. Read here and here why you should vote NO on Infrastructure Development Districts (IDDs, or “private cities”). To be fair so that you can see the other side of the argument, I’ll also give you a link to the Association of County Commissioners of Georgia’s propaganda video that will make you think TADs and IDDs are the answers to every single one of every municipality’s problems.
The Georgia Public Broadcasting election blog breaks down each amendment you’ll see on the ballot. All Georgians are voting on these, so try to think of the broader, statewide implications of these constitutional amendments instead of how you think they’ll affect Atlanta or the *cough*Beltline*cough*. The language of these things is always tricky. I’m sure the TAD proponents are unhappy with the way Amendment 2 is described, while IDD fans have a much easier time.
MJH is here!
29 OctI have to show you the following conversation that just took place to express the complete exhilaration and surprise at what is happening right now:
Matt: Clarissa is filming a movie outside my window
me: Clarissa? Like, Clarissa Explains It All?
Matt: yea. I just watched them do a scene. Looks gay.
me: NO FUCKING WAY. I used to love that show!
me: are you sure its melissa joan hart
Matt: yes I am not retarded…
This is big ladies and gentlemen. Joey Lawrence had been filming at the Botanical Gardens as well last week and apparently this is all for the same movie, Your Presence is Requested. Ever since New Kids on the Block started touring again producers from the early 90′s are deciding to resurrect any possible means of cashing in on a now mid-twenties crowd who are gluttons for nostalgia.
Speaking of NKOTB, apparently they are at the Gwinnett Center tonight, so for those of you who still have photos of Donnie and Joey on your wall you can go try to relive the moments of prepubescence.
UPDATE:
Filming in action thanks to Matt
Rest in Peace, Dottie
28 OctAs an Atlanta mom, I am a proud member of Zoo Atlanta. And as a proud member of the Zoo, I get special e-mail updates and such. It is a nice way for them to make me feel like a VIP, in addition of course to the bumper sticker adorning my station wagon. I would like to point out that last year they had something cute like a panda on the bumper sticker, but the 2008 sticker features a naked mole rat. Those are kind of gross.
Anyways, today I had a sad e-mail in my inbox. Dottie, the pregnant elephant at the Atlanta Zoo passed away last night. She apparently had an unexplained mystery illness that started last week, and although she was being monitored closely and given antibiotics, she died. As did her unborn calf, which promised to be another adorable baby animal for all of us Atlantans to fawn over. She was also a long term resident of the city herself, since she came to the Atlanta Zoo in 1986. At least we still have a new baby panda.
Photo of Dottie from the Zoo Atlanta website
These 7th graders can’t even vote and they know what’s up
24 OctWhoa, things are getting rough. A colleague who parked in Inman Effing Park reports that someone ripped the Obama sticker right off of her treasured liberal Subaru! Be careful out there and guard your bumpers!
If you’re still undecided (what is wrong with you?), seventh graders from the Ron Clark Academy sang a remake of TI’s “Whatever You Like” at the Coca-Cola Leadership Summit, and they can help you out. Instead of highlighting the benefits of a sugar daddy, the song is rechristened into a lively debate over the presidential candidates.
Click through to the YouTube page if you need the lyrics, because they’re really cute (e.g. “Stick with McCain you’re gonna have some drama”). The most entertaining part is when Ron Clark gets really into hating on the Obama side. (via Videogum)
Previously: Look at this wonderful lady
Look at this wonderful lady
19 OctAre you guys watching this heartwarming thing on CNN about Ann Nixon Cooper, the 106-year-old Obama supporter?
Just like a granny, she makes a face when Don Lemon introduces himself and says, “Lemon. That’s an odd name.” Mrs. Cooper, who can remember the pre-Voting Rights Act days in the south, swears not to die until she can see a black president. Chainsaw Shirley makes a special appearance to escort Ms. Cooper to the polls to vote early.
Previously: Editorial: Our official endorsement for president
Fun factoid of the morning and unexpected coincidences
10 OctToday is the anniversary of the 1958 bombing of The Temple, in case you haven’t watched Driving Miss Daisy in awhile and forgot about it. WABE has a podcast about this up today if you would like to hear more about just how much the South hated un-Peaches and Creme Baptists not too long ago.
In more exciting news, at Rosh Hashanah services a couple of weeks ago and then again at Yom Kippur services yesterday I came to one of the most exciting conclusions of the year. Rabbi Reeves of The Temple and Jay Carlson of The Plug are identical twins. Or at least brothers. Their vocal inflection, jokes, visage… it is incredible! Let’s compare:
I bet you can’t tell which is which. I get them confused. I wish there was some way I could prove that they are somehow connected through blood lines. They have to be. What was the movie with the two twins separated at birth and then they found each other when they were at the same orphanage? Disney remade it in the mid-90′s. I think Devon Sawa was in it. Oh, unfair world! My Christmas wish this year is going to be to prove my hunch.
Okay, everyone get worked up again
2 Oct
I read Steve Fennessey’s Atlanta Magazine post on the Creative Loafing bankruptcy that everyone’s talking about, and now my question is: WHO THE HELL DOES BEN EASON THINK HE IS, ANYWAY?
“I’ll use [CL staff writer] Andisheh Nouraee as an example. I love what the guy writes. But I’m also interested in going, ‘What are you looking at in the morning, what’s cracking you up, what kind of crazy shit are you pulling off the web?’ I want to know that. So what’s more valuable? The links that Andisheh has or the stories that he’s writing?”
THE STORIES THAT HE’S WRITING THE STORIES THAT HE’S WRITING THE STORIES THAT HE’S WRITING!!!!! I mean, really? That’s a question? CL CEO Eason thinks the values of hilarious links and real journalism are subjective and/or comparable? Especially in the context of an alternative weekly that runs stories and takes angles not picked up by the mainstream media? Links come cheap, really cheap. Cheap as in no money. On the other hand, you cannot get some guy to write a lengthy piece for free on jack shacks. Well, maybe you can. But he’ll want to be reimbursed for his receipts at least.
This makes me a little nervous now about all the curiously optimistic “It’s no big deal! Don’t worry about us! We’ll be better than ever!” responses coming from CL regarding their bankruptcy. I don’t see any kind of real strategy emerging beyond “greater online presence!”, and according to Fennessey, Eason has a history of making changes around his publications based more on whims and flash trends than any sort of real analysis of problems and forecasting solutions. But why can’t Creative Loafing be the model for a periodical that actually transitions gracefully from print to online? I think with Fresh Loaf and Chad Radford’s gossipy Crib Notes posts, they might be on their way, but they have to retain the long-form reporting and good research. The biggest challenge, like in everything, is paying for it all.
My biggest complaint about Creative Loafing has always been that it doesn’t cover enough Atlanta-specific news, especially hyper-news at the neighborhood level. Now I see my dream drifting further out of reach. And I know everyone there is overworked and overextended, but I don’t think aggregating and outsourcing is the answer. And please don’t dangle a million stupid teasers crammed into one homepage in front of us (cf. AJC.com) in the desperate hopes that we’ll just click on something, anything.
See also Gawker’s take: “How Not To Turn Alt-Weeklies Into Crappy Blog Clones.“
Previously: Creative Loafing files for bankruptcy
Creative Loafing files for bankruptcy
29 SepCreative Loafing just announced that they have filed for bankruptcy. What?! They say they aren’t going to fold, but dear god. What are Thomas and Hollis going to do assuming they are lying? Damn you, economy.
Creative Loafing Inc. — which owns alternative weekly newspapers in Chicago, Washington, Tampa, Charlotte and Sarasota, as well as Atlanta — today filed for bankruptcy protection. Prompting the move was a debt load of more than $40 million. “The company owned more money than it can pay back right now,” CEO Ben Eason said.
Critical darlings
24 SepThanks to everyone who voted for us in Creative Loafing’s annual “Best of Atlanta” survey. Just kidding, no one voted for us. They all voted for the Blissful Glutton who is awesome, and this is why we got this “Critics’ Pick” designation. Who needs democracy, anyway?
Also, I should clarify that the reason our names show up in lowercase under the posts is because we are at the mercy of this elementary school WordPress template, and not because we think we are the next bell hooks. Hypothetically, if someone had offered to make us a new blog design two whole months ago, even if s/he had hypothetically been drinking at the time of the offer, any time would be a hypothetically good time to hypothetically get that up and running.
Here is a photo of us celebrating our achievement which we rightfully earned.
Vote Early and Vote Often
24 Sep
All politics aside, I suggest that you guys consider voting early this year. I live in Dekalb County and already got a flyer in the mail advising that I vote early due to expected high volumes of voters on November 4 at my polling location. Also, I’m really psyched about voting this year, so I’m definitely ready to get it done. A friend forwarded this handy dandy table of where and when you can vote in metro Atlanta. And please remember, cute hair and glasses and good taste in shoes does not qualify a person for public office. That is all I will say on that subject. Proceed to see where you can go ahead and vote.
Georgia: more like Florida every day
14 SepWe have so many license plate options now! Who wants to drive less at a time like this, when we’re just about to get a cat license plate you can show off all around town?
The Georgia Department of Agriculture was having a contest to pick the design for the new plate that’s meant to remind people to get their cats fixed. Here were your options:
Creepy, right? Sadly, the winner was announced on Friday so you don’t get a chance to vote for the obese cat in the Olan Mills portrait. Guess which one won? Okay, I’ll just tell you. The bottom right design, by Randy Bieniek of Duluth, which is a rendering of a real-life cat named Hope who is waiting for adoption at a pet shelter. AWWWWWWWWWWWW.
There’s already a dog license plate in Georgia depicting a golden retriever, which is a little inaccurate since the unofficial state dog is a black lab/pit bull mix.
While you cat people wait for Georgia’s prisoners to stamp out your new plate, browse through AJC’s 7,000 albums of photos of smiling pets:
Previously: Breaking news in dog biscuits
Boys-4-Obama Strip-a-thon
10 Sep
Oh look, Mary’s is hosting an Obama pep rally next Friday, September 19. Since the official Obama campaign started pulling ads and staff out of Georgia, it is now solely up to Mary’s Boys-4-Obama to keep Hope and Change alive in our state.
I am telling you so far in advance so you can get your easily-removable patriotic costume ready for the strip-a-thon! (You are only eligible if you are a boy and 4 Obama, obviously.) This event might be a good opportunity for those of you assholes who STILL haven’t registered to vote* in Atlanta to do so.
And since First Lady is the campiest job in America held by a straight person, Mary’s is having you dress up as your favorite First Lady (or Head of State; boring). When I was trying to think of my favorite First Lady, I realized I LOVE THEM ALL! I’m guessing there will be a lot of Betty Fords and Jackie Kennedys, but I hope some people will be creative and go old school as Dolley Madison and Grace Coolidge. Also, Rosalynn Carter, duh, because she hangs out in Atlanta and is still a fox. Or Nancy Reagan and her astrologist. Or Little Edie Beale, who was not a First Lady but close enough.
*Alternatively, you can download a voter registration application on the Secretary of State’s website and mail it in. SO EASY.
AJC in the crapper
9 SepMaybe the reason the “far-left Atlanta Journal-Constitution” is doing poorly these days has less to do with anti-Christianist columnists like Cynthia Tucker and more to do with its pathetic attempts to stay relevant by baiting readers with provocative “issues”:
Don’t think I didn’t follow that last link to “Atlantans spend more time in the bathroom than the rest?” BECAUSE I DID. You tricked me again, AJC! I have to know more, you tease!
According to a poll by a toilet magazine, 62 percent of Atlantans spend more than the national average of half an hour in the bathroom each day. Did none of these Atlantans read our water conservation tips? Or do they spend twice as long as the average American on their moisturizing regimen?
Actually, most of our residents report they are listening to the radio during this time, which explains everything. None of the other cities surveyed have John Lemley or Lois Reitzes on the air. When either of them talks it is like time stands still and may never start moving again.
If you look like Sarah Palin, YOU COULD BE A STAR!
9 SepTime to brush off the ol’ headshot and master the VPILF ‘do shake-out:
(via Videogum)
Previously: So I heard that unemployment is B-A-D in Atlanta
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