City run-off mayhem!

Hey y’all! Time for one of Pecanne Log’s most exciting features, our Run-Off Election Candidate Death Match. These aren’t endorsements per se, because the criteria used to determine a winner in each of the races below isn’t necessarily what we would use when entering the voting booth (which we did ages ago, because we thought it would be faster to vote early but did not take into account that a van full of senior citizens in velour track suits would arrive at the Fulton County government center minutes before us, on our pathetic one-hour lunch break). But if the following helps you decide, then we are so glad we have helped. Don’t forget to vote today, because no one ever remembers – and if enough of you write in Sid Mashburn for city council president, he might actually win!

Let’s start with the most important race – the one the New York Times cares about, solely because a black person AND a white person are running, in the South.

ATLANTA MAYOR: MARY NORWOOD VS. KASIM REED

Not only were both candidates pretty humdrum, they both had terrible campaign logos. Mary Norwood’s was completely uninspired. Did she even try to have an interesting, eye-catching logo? Does she have any intellectual curiosity that would lead her to at some point in the past two years to consider a semi-engaging visual design for her omnipresent candidacy? How could a person so ambitious for so long not care to strive for anything better than Times New Roman? No wonder the Mohammed K. Reed campaign stole all her yard signs. They are offensive to any Atlanta citizen who leaves the house in anything more that sweatpants. Mary Norwood’s logo is the elastic waistband of yard signs.

On the other hand: Kasim Reed’s logo. Or not really on the other hand, but just slightly higher up on the spectrum of dull design. What is this font even called? I think Microsoft Publisher stopped carrying it around Windows 2000. And not a single person in the entire Reed campaign can be bothered to resize the lettering for different shapes of signs – they just stretch it to fit.
WINNER: LISA BORDERS
I like the honest story her logo tells. It is straight-up like, “Yes, I will have Tom Cousins personally build a 45-story high rise next to your single-family intown bungalow, as demonstrated by the L and I in my name.” This is the kind of candidate who makes the analogy that Atlanta:real estate::Detroit:cars and means it like a good thing.

ATLANTA CITY COUNCIL PRESIDENT, CEASAR MITCHELL VS. CLAIR MULLER

Have either of these candidates ever heard of spelling their names correctly? It’s Caesar and Claire, the last time I checked. Good lord, where do they find these people?

WINNER: CEASAR MITCHELL
At least he didn’t mispell his surname. (it’s Mueller, “Clair”! Learn German!)

ATLANTA CITY COUNCIL, POST 2 AT-LARGE: AMIR FAROKHI VS. AARON WATSON

This isn’t going to be like Creative Loafing‘s confusing endorsement. We aren’t going to be all, “If you want a candidate with hair you can run your fingers through and who smells like Irish Spring, vote Amir Farokhi. But ‘experience matters,’ so we endorse Aaron Watson.” No, we are going straight for the one deciding factor for the yupster demographic Amir is trying to capture: who looks cooler on a bicycle?

WINNER: AARON WATSON
(Safety first! Because Mr. Watson is not actually mounted on the bike in the photo, he doesn’t lose points for not wearing a helmet.)

ATLANTA CITY COUNCIL DISTRICT 6: LIZ COYLE VS. ALEX WAN

Some idiot wanted to start drama over this run-off because Liz Coyle allegedly catered to gay stereotypes by allowing a shirtless guy to walk with her float in the Pride parade last month. Here are photos of the perpetrator:

But I was most offended by the gay stereotypes seen in Wan’s brigade. Cool it with the faux hawks, Alex fans! Not all homosexuals are into abusing hair product!
(photos via Project Q)

WINNER: LIZ COYLE
Sorry Wan, but Coyle’s adorable sailor Cub Scout is SO CUTE.
(photo via Project Q)

We hope this breakdown of the key races really helped you put things in perspective before you ultimately decide not to vote today.

Previously: Alex Wan and the real issues