An excerpt from Dr. Billy Currell’s leather-bound and lavishly illustrated Kentucky Fried Tender, the chapter entitled “Church’s vs. Popeye’s“:
In Atlanta, Georgia, home of AFCE headquarters, spiritual and secular are not far removed. In Midtown, on the corner of Monroe and Ponce de Leon, Church’s and Popeye’s are right across the street.
2002 marks Popeye’s 30th anniversary, and in celebration the restaurant was renovated. The new structure has stucco walls, a Spanish tile roof, and a balcony for when girls go Popeye’s. (And, believe me, the beads are in abundance). For the past thirty years, people have been “loving that chicken,” but now Popeye’s has a new slogan: “We do good ba-you.” Please note the grammatical complexity. Good as both adjective and adverb; Bayou as direct object (Popeye makes fine food) and adverbial phrase (Popeye got your back).
If you’re out on the town and looking for a fancy fast-food restaurant, go to Popeye’s. The floors are freshly waxed; exotic plants are in every window; from fifteen-foot ceilings hang fans of the finest quality. TV screens serve as menus, while over premium loudspeakers floats Satchmo’s sanctified horn, “Hello, Dolly!”
Though Church’s is the spiritual chicken, Popeye’s is a temple to the tastebuds. “Straight From Flavor Heaven” comes their food; customers are known as “flavor seekers.” At Popeye’s they don’t serve Mr. Pibb, they serve Pibb Xtra. The pink lemonade is “poppin”; the nuggets “kicked up.” For 99 cents you can add a “Shrimp Craver pak” (that’s p-a-k) to any combo. The best item on the menu is the “breast substitution up-charge” for 89 cents.
All of Popeye’s clientele are well dressed. They have come to Popeye’s to celebrate their success. Y’all all know him, the fast food cashier who doesn’t greet you, doesn’t ask you if you want your combo super-sized, doesn’t say nothing when he hands back your change. But at Popeye’s the employees are friendly, happy. Even the chickens on the wall are smiling. Feels so good inside. The best you’ve ever tried.
However, I believe that Church’s is closed now. Is it a Chinese restaurant? Still, get your Christmas shopping done early with multiple copies of Kentucky Fried Tender for the low price of $15.00 each, which now includes a book-remix DVD!
On a similar note, there are the days I go by the meat department of Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market and someone is buying like 18 smoked turkey drumsticks and I really want to quickly befriend them in hopes of being invited to whatever sort of event requires 18 smoked turkey drumsticks the size of a human skull.
Previously: Do chicken bones count as littering?
Tags: breast substitution up-charge, chicken, church's, kentucky fried tender, popeye's, turkey legs, your dekalb farmer's market
Has anyone else noticed that Popeye’s seems to alternate the seafood vs. fried chicken angle based on where that particular store is located? I think I’m going to set out to document it, as I swear that the sign on the storefront changes. I noticed it when I was in Commerce, GA (mecca of all human kind) and expanded the hypothesis while on a trip to St. Simons. Can anyone back me up?
Maybe it depends on the proximity of a Captain D’s or a Mrs. Winner’s as to which angle Popeye’s takes.